15 | Wanting What You Have
15 | Wanting What You Have
So often we’re busy criticizing ourselves for how our home could be tidier. Or how we could have less stuff. Or how things could be more organized. As a result, we forget to stop and recognize the abundance and beauty in our lives.
Happiness and satisfaction aren’t directly correlated to where you live, what size your home is, or the number of objects in it. Happiness and satisfaction come from how you are thinking about those things at any given time.
In today’s episode, let’s set aside decluttering and organizing. Instead, let’s focus on wanting what you already have. You truly do have the option of being content with the items and home layout that you have now. So, I challenge you to list out 10 things or experiences that you “want.” What would you put on that list?
Now, consider whether any of the items on your list are items, people, or experiences that you have in your possession right now. Curious isn’t it? Let’s explore an abundance mindset, and see what shifts for you.
MENTIONED ON THIS EPISODE: Episode 13: The Benefits of Predictability
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Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing an Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer, and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy, and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast, we'll go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household, and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 15 Wanting What You Have. I’m so happy to be back with you again! Before we dive into today’s topic, I’d love to share a few more podcast reviews with you. Vernice3 says, “What I like most about this podcast is Amelia’s approach to organizing your life. It oozes in love. Far from judgment, Amelia is kind, gentle and humorous as she nudges you forward. I found myself tidying up while listening because she makes getting things in order feel good!” Yes!!! Coaching and mindset work is all about creating a space of non-judgment so that you can get curious about why things are the way they are. Each of us can make peace with where we are in our organizing journey AND take steps toward our goals.
This review aligns well with today’s topic, wanting what you have. So often, we’re busy criticizing ourselves for how our home could be tidier, how we could have less stuff, and how things could be more organized that we forget to stop and recognize the abundance and beauty in our lives. Just for a moment, I want you to think back to the first place you moved outside of your parents’ home. For me, that was my college dorm room. At that time, I was assigned officially the smallest dorm room on campus. The space between my roommate’s bed and mine was probably a foot and a half. We were snug. Yet, both of us were free.
Do you remember that feeling? You may have had your clothes, your toiletries, your basic supplies, and a few keepsakes. Your attention was less on the stuff and more on the life outside of the dorm or apartment room. You wanted what you had, and even more importantly, you wanted the space, time, and freedom to live life.
It's okay if that feels like an awful long time ago. The key is to locate a moment in time where you had just what you needed, which may be a different number of items than what you have now. And even if I owned more at that time, due to space constraints, my room wouldn’t have allowed more items. I simply wanted to offer a reference for perspective. Happiness and satisfaction aren’t directly correlated to where you live, what size your home is, or the number of objects in it. Happiness and satisfaction come from how you’re thinking about those things at any given time.
On today’s episode, let’s set aside decluttering and organizing, and instead focus on wanting what you already have. You truly do have the option of being content with exactly the items and home layout you have now. I’ll invite you to notice where you’re always seeking what’s next versus valuing and focusing on what’s currently available to you. I also give guidance on how to intentionally focus on wanting too. Who knows? Developing an abundance mindset may give you the needed perspective to tackle your next home project.
If I were to challenge you to list out 10 things or experiences that you “wanted,” what would you put on that list? Take a deep breath and mentally note exactly what comes to mind. (Y’all I kind of wish I could hear what’s rattling around in your brain right now.) Now, take another deep breath and consider whether any of the items on your list were items, people, or experiences that you have in your possession right now. Huh. That’s curious, isn’t it?
Did your partner make the list? Your kids? Your home? Your pets? No matter your answer, notice how much you naturally look outside of yourself and your home for what you want. As always, this is an awareness exercise. It’s not a time to judge or criticize yourself for the things you desire. I’m 100% in support of any dreams, wants, or desires you have for the future – no explanation needed. If it’s important and valuable enough to you, you’ll find a way to make it happen, because you’re more organized than you think. It’s also okay if you DON’T really want some of the people, pets, and things that are right in front of you. (That’s why it’s a beautiful thing that no one can hear your thoughts…) Knowing that bit of data is helpful too.
The key is to notice. The human brain is naturally inclined to seek out more things and new experiences. So, in turn, you have to actively redirect it to want what you currently have. This in and of itself is a clutter reduction strategy. For example, there was a moment in time where you wanted the car that you have. It doesn’t matter whether you took ownership of it as a new or used vehicle. You wanted the car, you took pride in it for a period of time, and let’s say now you desire an updated version. Wanting an updated version isn’t a problem, AND you have the ability to reactivate the appreciation for your current car.
Last year, sometime in the winter, I had to pick my eldest daughter up from theater practice at 8pm. She was a member of the stage crew. Now, we live about 35 minutes from her school, and the main travel route was via the highway. I left at 7:30pm to pick her up. It was dark out and a bit of snow was left over on the sides of the road. Three or four miles into the drive, I blew a tire, in the dark, in Detroit, on the highway. I carefully drove back home and asked a local friend to grab her. I called AAA. It took a few days to get the tire replaced because it had to be ordered. You don’t realize how much you rely on your vehicle until you’re unable to drive for several days. It was in this moment that I was reminded that I wanted a car. The make and model suddenly became irrelevant. I was reminded that easy access to transportation was important to me and my family.
Another area that you may find yourself in a love / hate cycle with is laundry. It’s never-ending. People are constantly wearing clothes, changing clothes, leaving dirty clothes where they don’t belong, and leaving clean clothes in the basket way too long. Yet, when your kids outgrow what they own, you take them shopping. When the seasons change, you seek out cold or warm weather gear. You look for sales. You have your eye on a few things too. It’s EASY to want something to freshen up your wardrobe. But wouldn’t it be better if those items didn’t turn into laundry?!? (If you solve that one, folks, give me a call.) We want the clothes, but we don’t want the laundry. Quite a conundrum.
About six months before my husband and I sold our home in 2021, our washing machine died. Okay, it didn’t just die. It went out with such a production that I’m sure I cried. The seal on the washing machine drum tore during a cycle. So, as you can imagine, I wasn’t standing over the machine as it washed. I was either out of the house or upstairs when it happened. (I’ve blocked this memory out for good reason.) Needless to say, the washing machine flooded out of the bottom of the machine, through the wood floor, and into the basement. Luckily our basement was unfurnished and a concrete floor with a thin carpet covering. The damage was done, but the real damage was to be had the weeks following. When you’re without a washing machine for weeks at a time, laundry takes on another meaning. Honestly, it took me back to my dorm room days where I’d haul baskets to the laundromat. Except, now there were 5 of us. Plus, sheets, towels, and sports gear.
My point is that your life is currently filled with more abundance than you may actively take the time to notice. Yes, you could certainly declutter your wardrobe to own less items to have less laundry. That would be a beautiful thing. AND it’s okay to want the items that you currently have in your closet and actively practice gratitude for the fact that laundry even IS a problem you have to solve for each and every week. Because there are plenty of folks using the laundromat, washing clothes in the sink, or elsewhere. You have a certain level of privilege relative to other humans, and wanting what you have is about taking the time to own that privilege.
Which brings me to the loved ones in your life. I get it. Other people can be irritable and obnoxious sometimes. Toddlers especially. Internally, you have a set of expectations about how others should behave – towards you and each other – and they don’t always follow that set of rules. They can be nosy or demanding. They can be inconsiderate or self-focused. Sometimes, your partner, kids, or extended family can just be A LOT. Loving them for who they are and what they bring to your life is possible, though. Practice separating their actions, words, or the season of life they’re in (hi teenagers!) from the overall human they are underneath. Yes, I get that some folks are bitter underneath, but occasionally their antics may provide humor or help you build your own emotional resilience. You can want them in your life by zooming out and remembering the overall goodness that they create in your world. You can love them and dislike the way they operate at the same time.
The last example I’ll give is a financial one. We often forget or lose sight of the experiences we’ve invested in. For some of us, that means taking out a mortgage, borrowing from family, assuming educational debt, or borrowing via credit. As time rolls on, you may be second-guessing your investment because you’re in the throes of having to pay it off. Yet, at some point you wanted that item or experience. By pausing and remembering why you made the choice you did at that exact moment, you can tap back into the original desire and appreciation. If it was a cruise, you wanted each and every margarita and kid-free moment that’s now reflected on your credit card bill. If it was a medical degree, at some point you wanted to enter the field of health care knowing the price tag and time commitment. If it was a storage unit that now feels like a burden, note that renting it made perfect sense in the beginning. You’ll always continue to want, so slowing down and appreciating what you currently have gives you data and feedback for future decisions or investments you may make.
I wanted the house we lived in for 6 years. I didn’t love paying for lawn maintenance, snow removal, or multiple sets of home repairs. I’d often think that the time, energy, and expense put towards maintaining it was a headache. Yet, my children loved our home. It was the first piece of property we’d owned in the United States, and I could finally paint the walls, add custom closets, sit outside, and cook with a gas stove. When I redirected my brain to why I wanted the house, the noise of maintenance fell away. Thinking about the positive returns on our investment feels amazing. It feels better than wallowing in the hassle of maintenance. It takes practice to redirect your mind, but the rewards are a brighter outlook during your day.
Dropping into or activating a mindset of gratitude for what you have does require you to slow down. Abundance is all around you, and the more you seek it out intentionally, the more it will readily appear. Active practice doesn’t have to take a long time either. Pause, close your eyes. Then breathe deeply and open your eyes. Check out what’s in your field of vision and notice it. If it’s a pile of paperwork or an outstanding task that you’ve been meaning to get to, don’t be surprised if the automatic voice of criticism pops up. Just notice that it does. Instead of diving right in to “fix” the mess, check in and see what that pile of items means in your life. Piles of paper, for example, can translate to having a residence, being documented (rather than undocumented), being able to move and make choices freely, having the privilege of being able to spend on things like utilities, health care, and the school Book Fair. Or if it’s in your office, it could mean an active client load and a business that’s growing. You can make the pile mean anything you want. Why not turn it into something that means you’re alive and making your day-to-day work in the best way possible?
I choose to lean into wanting what I have because I find that it fills me with warmth and positivity. These are emotions and feelings that I want to have. They feel good in my body and help to keep me grounded in the present. It also keeps me from overspending. I’m better able to actively judge future purchases by comparing the item or experience to what I already have access to. It shifts me away from the knee-jerk “need” response back into control over my choices and spending. With practice, you truly can locate the original desire or want and consider its importance in your life today.
I’d love to hear how this idea resonates with you, so don’t hesitate to reach out and let me know.
Outro: Thanks so much for tuning into this week's episode. If you liked this episode and know of just one other person that can get value from it too, I invite you to share it with them. I'd be more than grateful. I'd love to stay connected with you too. Make sure to follow this podcast to connect with me on Instagram @apleasantsolution and join my community at www.apleasantsolution.com. Talk to y'all soon and remember, you’re more organized than you think.
