14 | When There's a Glitch in the Matrix

May 3

14 | When There’s a Glitch in the Matrix

By embracing an organized life you’re actually more prepared for the moments when life goes sideways. A "glitch" in your matrix is when there’s disruption of such magnitude that your emotional foundation is shaken for a few days or sometimes for a few months.

It’s a season where things are not just off but the disruptions are seemingly random, especially when life has been running in a predictable fashion. You can find yourself asking, “What the F is happening right now?!?”

In today's episode, I’ll share how I grounded myself during my most recent glitch and offer a few tools that will help you care for yourself the next time life gets topsy-turvy. Again, embracing an organized life means having easy to call upon techniques to help navigate disruptions. It’s not about achieving 100% control over your space and life. Remember, the one thing that is always predictable is that life can be unpredictable.

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Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing an Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer, and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy, and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast, we'll go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household, and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 14: When There’s a Glitch in the Matrix. On last week’s episode I shared all about the benefits of predictability. On this week’s episode, we’re going to take a step in the opposite direction because… that’s exactly what my life did this past week. It’s almost as if talking about predictability led to a temporary bump in my daily routine. Y’all, I am more than aware of the irony!
This podcast is subtitled Embracing an Organized Life, and as you know, it’s about intentionally creating more alignment and sustainability in your life. My approach combines both practical organization strategies and clearing your mindset of the noise that distracts you from living in a bold way. I believe that by embracing an organized life, you’re actually MORE prepared for the moments when life goes sideways. And for me, that looked like having a brief, unplanned, weekend stay in the hospital. I know, right?
So, let’s start with a fact. The one thing that IS predictable is that life is occasionally unpredictable. There are disruptions of such magnitude that your emotional foundation is shaken – sometimes for a few days, or sometimes for a few months. This is a glitch in your matrix. It’s a season where things are not just “off” but the disruption’s occurrence is seemingly random. It’s when life has been running in a seemingly predictable fashion then you find yourself asking, “what the F is happening right now?!?” It’s any moment in time where you find yourself wanting to use both a question mark and an exclamation mark. You may be confused, stunned, scared, shocked, or laughing while crying based on the absurdity of the situation. Or you may be unable to identify any one distinct feeling because several feelings happen to be running together. This is the glitch.
So, on today’s episode, I’ll share how I grounded myself during this most recent glitch and offer a few tools that will help you care for yourself the next time life gets topsy-turvy for you. Again, embracing an organized life means having easy-to-call-upon techniques to help navigate disruptions. It’s not about achieving 100% control over your space and life – that’s a fallacy that will cause unnecessary suffering – but about intentionally making decisions about how you want to treat yourself and your home day in and day out.
Alright. So, to set the scene, I want to mention that my family is currently on its second round of long-distance parenting and marriage. My son is an elite athlete, and for the last two years he’s been living and training in Florida. Our main household is in Detroit. One parent is always in either location, and this split household and marriage arrangement allows everyone to get exactly what they need. I’ve been the primary parent in Florida this school year, and that’s why when I had unexplained abdominal pain in my right side all last week, getting healthcare was not straightforward. Even with great health insurance, being out-of-network and away from my primary care doctor brought its own challenges.
Health scares are a classic glitch in the matrix. They’re laden with lots of the unknown and require atypical decisions to be made. You’re eager to get tests, to get results, and to have conversations that lead to concrete answers. If you’ve ever had a kid break a bone – or chip a tooth – you know exactly what I mean. The world seems to stop. Lots of phone calls need to be made. There’s rescheduling of work and postponing of activities, and lots and lots of feelings. Car accidents are another.
Our feelings stem from how we’re thinking about what’s happening at any moment. Those feelings drive the subsequent actions that we take. When your feelings are erratic because you’re thinking things are out of control - remember back to those I offered earlier, confused, stunned, scared, shocked – your primal brain is most likely in charge. For me, that looked like doubling over with an onset of abdominal pain after having run three miles earlier that morning. My primal brain said, “Something is wrong. Go to urgent care.”
It’s naturally difficult to get your pre-frontal cortex online in those first few moments. Therefore, the first strategy I want to offer is that you slow down to a snail’s pace when things are seemingly out-of-control. (I also want to offer that you know yourself best, so if none of what I’m about to offer resonates, that’s totally okay too.) AFTER you’ve secured your physical safety, aim to slow down. Trust me, I know that it’s hard, but it’s the absolute best thing you can do. Take deep breaths. Focus on the present. Focus on what’s directly in front of you. Your brain will want to catastrophize, plan logistics, and jump way into solving for all the potential outcomes of the future. Yet it’s a challenge to ask solid questions and seek solid answers when you're anywhere but the here and now.
The first question you’ll want to ask is, “What makes sense for ME right now?” Again that’s, “What makes sense for me right now?” Even if the glitch involves the broken bone of a loved one, for example, bring your focus back inward. Seeking answers for what makes sense for YOU will ensure that you make the very best decision for the person in pain. When there’s a glitch in the matrix, focusing inward – on your thoughts, your feelings – guarantees that you remain in control of the one thing that you can control… YOU. As you regain control of yourself, you then can provide supportive and helpful guidance for what’s next. Even if that’s what makes sense is delegating decision making to someone else. Even if what makes sense next involves disappointing others.
As I was struggling through the out-of-state healthcare network, I still had obligations within my business. Primarily, these were my weekly client sessions (which I adore), a public workshop (which I adore), and a guest teaching / coaching opportunity in a colleague’s group program (which I was super excited for). I also had my son’s care to be mindful of. I woke up each day hoping the abdominal pain would change or subside. As the days passed, I also asked myself, “What makes sense for me right now?” Two of my business values are the courage to heal and generosity to self and others. To be an example of these values, I needed to make powerful decisions for what served my clients best. I knew canceling would disappoint others, yet I also knew it was the most generous thing I could do for them and for me.
Which brings me to my second recommendation, make the one, next decision directly ahead of you. Again, your brain will want to plan. It will want to think about all the possible outcomes and handling all the logistics. It will work to bring predictability back. Yet, when you’re moving at a snail’s pace (instead of at the speed of light like you’re inclined to do), you’re able to carefully consider the one, next decision. It’s the only one that truly matters, as all subsequent decisions depend on the first.
So, I decided each day whether to reschedule my client sessions. My clients deserve a coach who was well and fully present, and with the level of tenderness I was experiencing and the doctor’s appointments, I was nowhere near 100%. I’d say my brain was operating at about 70% of its normal strength and my body was closer to 50%. I also postponed my workshop. It wasn’t until Friday of that week that I was able to get specific medical guidance. It said, “Go to the emergency room, now.”
When you experience a glitch, bring your awareness and attention back to the decision directly in front of you. What makes sense for me right now? What is my intuition guiding me to do? Who’s the best person to support me in a non-judgmental way? These questions, along with deep breathing, help to bring your mindset back to a space where it can think as rationally or clearly as possible in the moment. My son was at school for a handful of more hours, so I was able to listen to the doctor’s advice. I could figure each of the following next steps from the ER. I talked to a friend on the drive to the ER to keep me focused and present on the task at hand. I called my husband. He booked a same day flight to Florida. He spoke with my son and our girls and provided them with updates and next steps. I sent an urgent email to my guest coaching opportunity once I knew I was being admitted to the hospital. I called my dad and my brother. I made one decision at a time.
It's important to tell your brain exactly what to think in moments like these. Your thoughts will automatically go wild, and you have the ability to slow down and tell yourself the story that you want to hear. You can talk to yourself. You can organize your mindset by reminding yourself that you’re more organized than you think. Because it’s true. You get to decide, in your own mind, what the truth of the moment is. You can remind yourself, with a deep breath, that you’re in charge.
Which brings me to my final offering for today, tell the story where every decision you’ve made is the best decision. Again, because it’s true. You’re an excellent decision maker and paired with the fact that your brain is designed to keep you safe when a glitch occurs, each of the decisions you’ve made in this moment is the right one. We experience emotional pain, regret, and resentment from the stories that we tell ourselves about past decisions. We beat ourselves up. It’s these thoughts, or sentences in our mind, that lead to these negative feelings. Yet, when there’s a glitch in the matrix, all you can do is what makes sense, make one decision at a time, and then actively decide and trust that YOU know exactly what’s best.
I ended up having appendicitis. Totally random. Totally out of the blue. I’d gone to urgent care at the beginning of the week (a right decision). The examining doctor told me it wasn’t appendicitis and to seek a follow up scan in a few days if the pain didn’t subside. I went home (a right decision). I woke up feeling marginally better each day and met a few commitments (a right decision). I sought a follow up scan as recommended (a right decision). The results sent me to the ER, and I followed them (a right decision).
Sure, I could allow a different story to take hold. I could feel shame from the thought that “I should’ve known better” after the first doctor denied appendicitis. (I’ve never had appendicitis before, so how could I have known better?) I could feel irritation from the thought that the path navigating out-of-state health care wasn’t easy. (I’ve never done this before, so how could I have known?) I could feel angry that the initial doctor was wrong. (Again, how did I know that day that he was wrong? I didn’t.)
But why would I choose to feel that way? It feels much better to place the control back where it belongs, with me. I made the right decision each and every time, even though the doctor made what could have been a drastic mistake. I know myself. I know my body. The pain lessened the next day, and I know that I would have sought help elsewhere sooner if I truly felt worse.
You get to decide what to believe and how to tell the story. You certainly are welcome to choose the emotions that align best for you. Either way, you’re still 100% making the right decision in the moment. Glitches will happen, AND predictability will return. When you take time to steadily organize your life and mindset when things are stable, you’re in a better place to trust yourself when disruptions occur. All will be well once again. Talk to y’all soon.
Outro: Hey, y'all my monthly Second Friday's Workshop Series is here. Join me on the second Friday of every month in 2023 for a practical, no frills, come as you are hour of teaching and coaching. I'll show you exactly how I handle one area of home organization, then the floor will be open for questions and coaching. We'll troubleshoot what's feeling challenging for you and get you unstuck on the spot. Find out more and register at www.apleasantsolution.com/workshops or via Instagram @apleasantsolution. Can't wait to meet you.