10 | Decluttering and The Motivational Triad
10 | The Motivational Triad and Decluttering
If you consider yourself sentimental or nostalgic, or if you find yourself resisting letting go of items, this episode will resonate. I outline the ways in which your brain structure and biological design influence the decluttering process. These factors play a significant role behind your motivation and the way you think about what you own. Your brain often acts on autopilot, giving you sneaky thoughts to keep you from letting objects go. For those of you seeking to understand more of the WHY behind your internal decluttering struggle, this will shine a light on what may be happening for you.
When I work with clients, we create awareness around which part of your brain is dominant when making decisions. So, I encourage you to take a moment to get curious the next time your brain lights up desiring a shiny new object.
Are you ready to take a deep dive into learning about the way you think about what you own? I’m here to welcome and support you through coaching.
MENTIONED ON THIS EPISODE: Episode 04: Where Clutter Comes From
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Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing an Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer, and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy, and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast, we'll go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household, and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 10, The Motivational Triad and Decluttering.
My great aunt and uncle lived on a farm in rural West Virginia. I don’t have strong memories of their farm, but I do remember the buttons. I have an image in my mind of a stairwell or cubby area which was lined with tin larder cans full of buttons. Each can was slightly larger than a gas propane tank. These cans were full of buttons of all types: plastic everyday buttons of different sizes and colors and fancy buttons too. I have no idea what compelled my great aunt and uncle to collect the buttons, but decades later, I found several of these cans in my mother’s garage. The cans were extremely heavy and had now become my responsibility to discard during her downsizing process. I have no idea how the cans of buttons came to be in the first place, nor do I have much of an idea on why my mother decided to bring them to her house.
I am equally fascinated by why humans acquire things as why it’s a challenge to let them go. I know that the two processes are interrelated, and I know there’s a scientific underpinning to it all. I enjoy reading books about psychology, sociology, and human behavior, and I’m guessing that’s what drew me into coaching around clutter. Therefore, in today’s episode, I’ll outline for you a bit about why your brain structure and biology matter when it comes to the decluttering process. It actually plays a big role behind your motivation, the way you think about what you own, and it often acts on autopilot to keep you from letting objects go. For those of you who consider yourselves sentimental or nostalgic, this episode will make a lot of sense. Each of us is subconsciously in dialogue with our inner self about the items we own, and that often looks like our brain protecting us by encouraging us to keep what we have.
So first, I’ll describe for you the two major parts of your brain and the types of thinking they produce, and then I’ll break down the motivational triad and give examples on how it may be influencing your decision-making process - especially when it comes to possessions. For those of you seeking to understand more of the WHY behind your internal decluttering struggle, this will shine a light on what may be happening for you. As you begin to understand and observe your internal experience, you’ll be better able to witness how the two types of thinking play a role in your daily life.
It's important to recognize that your brain is a massive computer system that’s performing multiple functions at any time: it’s keeping you alive and safe, it’s processing incoming information, and it’s making predictions and calculations. It’s meant to receive input from the outside world, categorize it, make decisions, then either store it or let that data go. Information deemed critical for survival gets transferred to your long-term memory, including any traumas you may have encountered. Possessions are part of your visual world and surroundings and your brain takes them into consideration too. Your brain is constantly absorbing the present while factoring in the past.
Your primal brain, or limbic brain, is the portion of your brain that controls bodily functions. It automates hunger, breathing, blood flow, and safety responses like fight, flight, fawn, or freeze. The primal brain is part of our ancient biology and controls our instincts and drive to survive. The motivational triad, which I’ll get into a bit later, lives within this part of our brain. In centuries past, the limbic brain encouraged humans to innovate, but now it often encourages you and I to avoid situations or tasks that are uncomfortable or difficult.
Your primal brain produces automatic thoughts based on past evidence or experience. As the repository of your life’s lessons, this is the portion of your brain that holds your deeply held beliefs. For example, if you grew up in an environment where you were regularly moving between multiple households – due to divorce or financial or family instability – your primal brain may subconsciously still reference this experience as an adult. Your desire to keep key possessions close to you would make total sense because your limbic brain may be subtly calculating that your current living situation could change at any moment. It may be a low-lying hum that’s barely noticeable in your nervous system until it becomes time to declutter or move. This primal part of your brain isn’t considering whether that’s truly a potential possibility in today’s circumstances; it’s simply holding onto the knowledge it gained from early childhood “just in case.”
I want to pause here for a moment and clarify something. I am a trained coach who helps clients process emotions and life experiences around possessions and clutter in order to reach goals within their home life, but I am NOT a therapist. If past trauma is interrupting your ability to function on a daily basis, I recommend that you seek therapy before seeking coaching. I am always happy to partner with your therapist as a member of your support team. I know my professional limitations.
The other major part of your brain is your prefrontal cortex. This portion of your brain is responsible for decision-making, planning for the future, personality expression, judgment between right and wrong, impulse control, and reasoning. It’s the most recent part of human evolution and is referred to as your higher brain. The prefrontal cortex contains your executive-level functioning capabilities like problem solving and perseverance. It’s what allows you to conceive of, plan, and execute an interstate move or a dinner party.
Your prefrontal cortex is the source of intentional thinking. It’s the part of you that desires more order, more routine, or purposeful change. Your pre-prefrontal cortex is what kicks in after a sudden startle scare. It’s the part that says, “Everything’s okay. It’s just a squirrel, not a dragon.” It’s where reason lives.
It’s also the part that you have the most control over. For example – if we were to go back to the previous example of growing up in an ever-shifting, less stable home environment – your executive brain is the part that would step in and remind your current self that you’re physically, financially, and emotionally safe in adulthood. It’s the part of your brain that would nurture and reinforce the control you now have over your belongings and home life. Yes, in childhood, you were at the mercy of other adults in your life. In adulthood, you are now able to settle more fully in one place, choose exactly where that place is, and consciously decide what belongings make your current space a home. The prefrontal cortex can be directed to focus on the truth of NOW, all while having compassion and understanding for your childhood circumstances. It can consciously engage with the facts of the present and produce intentional thoughts like, “I’m in charge of my home now.” During my sessions with clients, we get curious about both parts of the brain and what messages or thoughts those parts are sending you in any given situation.
Before we move onto the influence of the motivational triad in the decision-making process, let me recap. The biology and structure of your brain influences how you think about what you own on two levels: there are automatic processes and automatic sentences that stem from your primal brain and there are intentional processes and intentional sentences stemming from your prefrontal cortex. Both matter and both play a role in all areas of your life including chores and household labor, scheduling, organization, delegating responsibilities, managing your time and rest, caretaking, and of course, with the objects you own.
The motivational triad is a set of three fundamental core actions built into the biology of your limbic or primal brain. These are the driving features that keep our species alive, safe, reproducing, and moving forwards. That’s the “motivation” portion of the motivational triad. You can’t really unwire them from your brain, unless you suffer injury to the brain. In a moment you’ll understand exactly how this triad plays into your decluttering and organizing journey. Please note, the following three actions can show up in any order or at any moment in your life, and the way I’m sharing them is completely randomized.
First, your brain is always seeking pleasure. “Seeking” is the key word when it comes to belongings. Science has shown us that the anticipation of something new is even more powerful than the acquisition of it. It’s part of our primitive wiring that motivates us to go after something in hopes of acquiring it and making it our own. Competition over resources, tools, and supplies flows through our DNA and historically, the one with the “most” items or the “best” items survived to produce the next generation.
In Episode 04 I mentioned the pleasure life cycle of an object. The “seeking pleasure” segment of the motivational triad aligns with this concept.
Think back to the most recent item you really, really wanted. Perhaps it went on sale for a deeper discount than usual. Your body probably became flooded with feelings of excitement and eagerness stemming from the thoughts that you could finally buy that beautiful coat. Plus, it was available in your size and favorite color! Thoughts of possessing the coat send dopamine, the “feel good chemical” rushing through your brain. The voice of reason and consideration from your prefrontal cortex was being drowned out by automatic desire to HAVE THE COAT. By owning the coat, you’d be protected from the winter elements AND look chic and desirable while doing so. There’s an element of evolutionary biology at play when you shop, and those in marketing know exactly how to nudge your inner scarcity mechanism so you’ll click buy.
The second element of the motivational triad is avoiding pain. Let’s say a handful of years have passed and your once glorious coat is looking a tad stained and worn in your closet. Its shine has worn off and your brain has habituated to seeing it in the closet each off season. Possessing an item doesn’t trigger more hits of dopamine. Yet you’re not eager to part with it. Making a decision about continuing to keep the coat or to part with it requires your prefrontal cortex. However, the thought of going through the coat closet sounds dull and mildly overwhelming. The task hasn’t reached the top of your priority list for two reasons: one, decluttering the coat closet is the OPPOSITE of pleasurable (triad item #1) AND the thought of not having the coat may feel like a loss.
Your limbic brain will keep you as far away from pain, or difficult situations as possible. In the past, this biological function was designed to keep you safe from physical harm. In today’s society, avoiding pain typically means emotional pain. The coat originally brought pleasure and part of you may wish it was still brand new. Part of you may feel like you’ll never be able to find an equally outstanding replacement. Part of you may feel like it’s never going to be appreciated by its next owner in the same way. Sentiment and nostalgia arise when you remember events you attended in the coat, and the image wearing it projects to others. Whatever storyline emerges is your primal brain keeping you from the pain of deciding what’s next for the object. Deep down it’s trying to communicate to you that possessing the coat (but not wearing it) is LESS emotionally painful than letting it go.
The third and final element of the motivational triad is minimizing effort, work, or energy expenditure. The human brain prefers to conserve energy in case of an emergency. It wants enough physical and mental fuel on hand to outrun a threat. Therefore, it loves a good shortcut. Placing your coat on the back of a chair is easier than hanging it back in the closet. Bringing items into the house is less work than taking items out of the house. Sitting down on the couch and scrolling social media or shopping online for a new coat is much less effort than starting a decluttering project. When you think about the work and effort it will take to pull everything out of the coat closet, your primal brain quietly shouts, “Nope! That work can wait.”
I share the three elements of the motivational triad: seeking pleasure, avoiding pain, and minimizing effort to help you understand that they’re more at play in your brain when it comes to decluttering and organizing than just “lack of motivation” or “nostalgia.” You’re biologically wired NOT to want to put in the work to let go. Deep within your DNA ownership of objects is seen as the pathway to success and survival. You have to actively counteract these desires with the intentional thinking and planning portion of your prefrontal cortex.
When I work with clients, we create awareness around which part of your brain is dominant at any given moment – the automatic primal brain with its sneaky thoughts to ensure your safety and survival or your prefrontal brain with its intentional thoughts of value and purpose. You can do this too. Take a moment to get curious then next time your brain lights up for a shiny new object. Notice if it’s a course of learning or an experience or if it’s a physical item. Listen in to the voices in your brain that are trying to sway you to buy or reason you out of it. Neither is right, neither is wrong. It’s the noticing and awareness you’re seeking. Take a moment to pause before you decide. Put the item in your cart and walk away. Allow your automatic thoughts to settle, then consciously decide what to do with your prefrontal cortex. It’s an enlightening process for sure. (Note: The same process can apply to an upcoming project or task you want to undertake. The key is to listen for the elements of the motivational triad at play.)
Now, let’s return to the larder cans full of buttons. I hadn’t forgotten about them, had you? I’m just so curious, within the context of our brain’s biology, I want to know… who amassed all the buttons, and why? Did it start off as a fun project or out of need? How did it serve my great aunt and uncle… in case of a button shortage? Then, I wonder… why did my mom NOT toss them out or donate them to an art supply project? By bringing them to her house, was she trying to avoid the discomfort of having to decide what to do with them? Was she simply doing what she thought was easiest? I’ll never know, and neither will you. Talk to y’all soon.
Outro: Hey, y'all, I'd be honored if you'd take three minutes to leave a review of this podcast. Your time is precious and by leaving a review, A Pleasant Solution will reach more listeners and lives. I'd also love to hear your feedback and share your review on a future episode. Talk to y'all soon and remember, you are more organized than you think.
