The Trap of All or Nothing

“If I can’t do it well, then why do it at all?” This is the internal dialogue I hear when considering whether to try something new or tackle something hard. It’s a common conundrum: the trap of all or nothing. These two extremes – doing it the right way (and well!) or not at all – seem like the only available options.

If you’ve ever mulled over making a life change or faced a difficult project, you’ve heard your mind immediately resist too. Why get started when there’s no guarantee of success? 

We all desire a measure of certainty before beginning a task. You want to know that the time you’re about to invest will have a reasonable return. You want to know that your energy won’t be wasted, and that wading through volatile emotional waters will lead you to a productive place. If it’s going to cost money, it better be a wise investment. If it’s going to be tough, it better be worth it. 

Never Mind – I Give Up

The automatic response may be to give up in advance. It’s called “failing ahead of time.” You see an attic full of who knows what and you turn back around. You tell yourself you’ll get to it another day. It’s not that important.

It’s natural to want to take the easy way out. If you can’t get through the entire attic, if you can’t make decisions about every single item, if you’re so overwhelmed that you don’t know how to get started…you may as well give up. It’s not worth it. It’s too much effort. 

Your brain has a fail-safe mechanism when it comes to hard things. It’s designed to seek the easiest way and tackling a big decluttering project or upending your diet and exercise routine are not categorized as “easy.” 

Your mind is also designed to avoid pain. Uncomfortable tasks are those that take more than a few hours and require many decisions. This defines cleaning out an attic or a garage in a nutshell. You know that you’ll feel depleted physically and emotionally as you work, and you may have to return to the project multiple times to bring it to completion. These are not encouraging reasons to get started.

Therefore, it’s all OR nothing. It’s much easier to procrastinate. It’s easier to leave the clutter or to not start a healthier diet and exercise routine. You’ve convinced yourself that if you can’t do it well or if you can’t predetermine the time it’ll take (and the outcome), you might as well wait for the problem to solve itself.

Success is What You Make It

What if success was just getting started? What if you decided – in advance – that success was simply about the attempt? The trap of all or nothing pushes us to believe that it’s better to stay stuck in inaction than to investigate the gray area in between the two.

Choosing to stay safe and not take a risk is always an option, but it’s not an option that moves you forward. It’s not an option that encourages personal growth nor acceptance of personal responsibility. However, the clutter remains when you procrastinate and avoid it. It may even increase in quantity. 

There’s nobility and honor in deciding to figure out how you’ll accomplish your goal along the way. Begin by committing to one hour in the attic (or any other tough project).

·      Go through two boxes, then stop. 

·      Decide to return the following week and go through two more boxes.

·      Dare to look. 

·      Be curious about what you find and decide that you can handle disposing of two boxes. 

·      Be willing to find out whether the items should be donated, recycled, or trashed. 

·      Take control for this one hour.

This is success. This a rejection of “all or nothing.” This is the beauty of the in-between. Decide that the project will take six months. Give yourself lots and lots of time. Practice returning week in and week out. Remind yourself that it’s not about finishing, it’s about continuing to show up. Redefine what it means to tackle something challenging by centering yourself in the AND.

The Beauty of AND

You’re made for hard things, and you can not want to do them. You can get started on a project and not know how it will turn out. You can invest in your growth and decide along the way what you want the results to be. You can be uncertain about what obstacles you may face and be confident that you can handle them.

Just because your brain senses that a project or task is too complex or has no clear solution doesn’t mean you have to listen to it. You can choose to be bold, give it a shot, and figure it out each step of the way. Ignore the all or nothing dichotomy and instead accept that it will be hard. Then ask yourself, “So what? What’s one thing I can do today?”

Do you agree or disagree? Let me know if you struggle with “all or nothing” thinking below.👇🏽👇🏽