52 | The Courage to Heal
52 | The Courage to Heal
In this episode, Amelia delves into the first core value of A Pleasant Solution – 'the courage to heal.' Whether you're grappling with the emotional weight of sentimentality or feeling burdened by household duties, A Pleasant Solution recognizes and honors what you’re going through.
The ‘courage to heal’ is a different length journey for each of my clients, and it has two distinct parts. The first is the inner work you do gathering the strength to identify potential solutions and reach out. The second is the inner work you do while we work together. From navigating grief to rediscovering forgotten parts of yourself, this episode offers insight into one reason clients find alignment with A Pleasant Solution’s clutter coaching approach. The external objects and overfull schedule are simply one representation of your internal emotional experience.
Join us as we embark on a journey of courage, strength, and self-discovery. If you're ready to transform your space and your life, this episode is a must-listen.
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Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing An Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer, and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast will go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 52, “The Courage to Heal.” In 2019, about 6 months before the pandemic set in, I was contacted by an acquaintance for an in-home organization project. She and I were friendly, we’d been connected in our local community for a few years prior, and we shared similar beliefs around the goodness of society and the collective power of women. She wanted to transform her attic from long-term storage to a livable, cozy office and relaxation space.
It was a long-term project, and she knew it wouldn’t be physically or emotionally easy. The stairs to the attic were narrow and steep. None of the areas were finished, and items had been haphazardly tossed there year in and out. Yet, she was committed. This was her home, and by that I meant, the space in which she’d raised her four children, done multiple renovations, and had lived with the husband she’d met back in elementary school. I’d already helped tear out a few closets and install custom solutions. This project was different.
My client knew she was sentimental. Everywhere she looked she saw the story. The story of her children. The story of their holiday gatherings. The story of her extended family. The future story of her grandchildren. She knew that a second set of hands, and what turned out to be a listening partner was exactly what she needed to make progress towards her goal. When our first session arrived, I brought all my standard organizing items, including contractor weight garbage bags. She looked at me with a bit of trepidation and smiled nervously. “Where do we start?” We were just at the top of the staircase and the 1500+ square feet of attic spread out in front of us. I looked down at the pile in front of us both and said, “How about here?”
I know many of you desire change. You’re seeking less clutter. You’re seeking a lighter sense of being. You’re feeling the weight of the objects you’ve inadvertently collected or been given, and you’re unsure of where to start. Deep down, you may even be seeking a quick fix, yet you know that’s not realistic. On today’s episode I’ll be sharing WHY the first of A Pleasant Solution’s three core values is ‘the courage to heal.’ I believe that there’s a population of folks out there that see their sentimentality, their nostalgia, their stories, and the overabundance in their homes as the primary obstacle to their day-to-day satisfaction. The visual clutter collectively symbolizes some type of moral failing, and in turn, translates to a layer of mental and emotional clutter you carry like a heavy handbag. Similarly, I believe that women, in particular, are feeling the same way about the chore load in their homes. You’re resentful. You’re confused. You’re wondering how you woke up as the default parent who’s responsible for keeping things tidy, signing every stupid form, packing every lunch, and then planning every dinner, and always being addressed as ‘so and so’s mom’ rather than as your whole name. It’s a dull, solid weight that clouds your ability to think, and some of you may have gotten used to it being there. There’s a pain we carry, and it’s often shrouded in a cloak of responsibility that feels impossible to take off.
The courage to heal has two distinct parts, and each part has its own timeline. There’s no need to rush either timeline, as healing looks different for each of us. My local client had joked with me a few times in passing, “Oooh. I really need you.” Now, lots of folks say this. They discover that professional organizers exist, then build rapport by mentioning their own home or a relative’s. They try to quantify the number of objects by using words like “mess” or most inappropriately, “hoard.” (Let me just pause here and say, please don’t use the words hoard, hoarding, or hoarders. The tendency to hoard often involves trauma, mental illness, and requires a medical diagnosis and it’s not a word or phrase to be thrown around.)
When folks say that they need support, they often do. Yet, these individuals are still developing awareness. They haven’t yet reached the first stage of the courage to heal, and that’s okay. Sometimes it takes years to become comfortable with the idea of asking for help. Sometimes it takes years to become comfortable with the idea of allowing someone into your home, either virtually or in person. Sometimes it takes years to become comfortable with the idea of sharing your stories, your memories, your emotions, your pain with others. If this is you, I see you. Know that you’re exactly where you need to be. Allow the awareness and desire for change to take root. You’ll notice that you’re moving towards the courage to heal when you find yourself thinking about the possibility more often, wondering about possible outcomes, or seeking out (but not yet contacting) a variety of solutions. This pre-work stage is important because it’s what sets your foundation for courage.
A quick search defines the word ‘courage’ as “the strength to do something that frightens you” or “strength in the face of pain or grief.” I want to focus on the word strength here. The courage to heal is the first of A Pleasant Solution’s core values because as a coach what I witness is strength. What stands out to me, what I believe deeply, is that each of us has an untapped well of strength that we can call upon when the time is right.
I went through this process when I decided to conclude my time as a stay-at-home mother and return to work. There were layers involving my identity, the stories I’d been telling myself around what I could achieve, internal battles around chores, responsibilities, and the expectations I was placing upon myself around home life… all before bringing the decision to my husband. I went through this process again when I shifted from awareness into acceptance of my mother’s dementia diagnosis. The pain was palpable. It disrupted my sleep and impacted my breathing. There were waves of grief then denial then grief… all before calling the first assisted living community to explore options. This is what I mean about pre-work.
When my local client booked her consultation for the attic space transformation, she’d reached the first stage of the courage to heal. She’d reached out. She’d asked for help. She’d summoned the strength to value what she wanted: much less physical clutter, a system for storage, a finished attic with an office and a lounge area, and beautiful pictures of her family lining the walls. She’d build the strength to identify what she wanted AND the strength to put the project into action. The first stage deserves credit, acknowledgement, and celebration. Professional organizers know that it’s taken tremendous effort on your part to reach out for a consultation. I know that it takes tremendous effort for you to decide to book a consultation for clutter coaching. Whether we’re the right fit for one another is determined on our call yet know that I have deep respect for how you got to the decision to reach out. You’re more organized than you think, and I believe this about you whether we ever connect or not.
The second stage of the courage to heal occurs when the work begins, and it continues throughout the decision-making process. As my client got clearer on what she wanted to keep, what she wanted to donate, and what she wanted to discard, the more confident she became. Embracing an organized life is a process. It starts off very slowly. Sometimes your space or your calendar or your chore load will get messier and more complicated before it gets tidier. Piles of items get moved. Other people complain. Feelings begin to surface, and you might need to take a break for a few minutes or a few months. Yet, these are signs of change. Discomfort, tears, sharing something that you’ve never shared before, acknowledging that you thought it would be different… These are representations of the courage to heal. They require strength and accessing that well of strength is always a choice.
You’re suffering doesn’t have to be a certain type or a certain size. You don’t even have to describe it as suffering. That’s why my core value is the courage to heal. It’s about strength – courage, not the pain. It’s about the process of owning your inner power. The courage to heal leads to a deepening of self-trust and we all can use more self-trust.
I’ve had several clients who’ve wanted to explore life after divorce. They were creating new spaces for themselves and their children. I’ve had several clients who were recently diagnosed with ADHD and felt both relief and rocked to their core. They wanted guidance in accepting their newest truth. I’ve had several clients who’d experienced loss. I’ve had several clients who wanted to do less around the house, let go of perfectionism, and stop feeling resentful and irritated. Each of these pathways fits into the courage to heal value.
The beauty of the second stage of the courage to heal is that you can feel the progress. Clients who are decluttering and organizing can see the progress. The attic project took months, then the renovation took many more months. With each bag of items that were taken down the stairs and out of the house, my client could feel the progress. With each story she told, with each set of items she questioned, with each decision to keep something a little longer, she better understood the person she was becoming. There was less emotional weight and more intention and purpose. She re-discovered parts of her life she’d forgotten. She re-took control where she’d felt the items had been in control previously.
A Pleasant Solution exists to heal our relationship with what we own, how we live, and how we spend our time. It exists to help women operate from a place of power within their homes and lives. That’s my overarching mission. The courage to heal is one of three values within that umbrella. It helps guide my why. I’ve experienced the power of being willing to tap into the well of inner strength, to dismantle the dull block of mental clutter clouding my brain, and to put down the responsibilities that I thought were defining my daily emotional experience. That’s how I came to be a clutter coach. When and if the courage to heal resonates with you and your story, I invite you to reach out and tell me about it. Talk to y’all soon.
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