25 | Guiding Little Humans and Their Parents with Leith Speer Barton
25 | Guiding Little Humans and Their Parents with Leith Speer Barton
Today’s special guest is Leith Speer Barton. Leith is a fellow Fair Play Facilitator and she works both in-person and virtually as a parenting educator and coach. Based in New York City, Leith facilitates RIE® Parent-Infant Guidance classes to support and empower parents in order to build respectful and connected relationships with their children.
The key topics Leith and I discuss include:
The life transition of becoming a parent
How Leith coaches and educates parents with a range of childhood development milestones in mind
What organization looks like in early childhood years
Why the RIE® method resonates with Leith and its benefits for families
How the Fair Play Method improves communication for partners
The importance of transition time for toddlers and adults
What inspired Leith to become a parenting coach
Leith's children's wear company Mini Lila
Becoming a parent is a major life transition. Tune into this episode to learn how the Fair Play Method and RIE® approach contributes to living an organized life.
GUEST INFO:
Leith Speer Barton, Parent Educator, Coach, and Certified Fair Play Facilitator
Coaching: @caringwithleith
In-person Classes: @nurtured_child
Mini Lila: @liveinlila
Mini Lila Website: Mini Lila
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Intro: Welcome to A Pleasant Solution, Embracing an Organized Life. I'm your host, certified life coach, professional organizer, and home life expert, Amelia Pleasant Kennedy, and I help folks permanently eliminate clutter in their homes and lives. On this podcast, we'll go beyond the basics of home organization to talk about why a clutter-free mindset is essential to an aligned and sustainable lifestyle. If you're someone with a to-do list, if you're managing a household, and if you're caring for others, this podcast is for you. Let's dive in.
Amelia: Welcome to Episode 25, Guiding Little Humans and Their Parents with Leith Speer Barton. I'm so excited to introduce you to today's guest. Leith Speer Barton is a parent educator and a parent coach specializing in the RIE® approach. She's also a Fair Play Facilitator and mother of two. Leith works with parents one-to-one virtually worldwide and facilitates RIE® parent infant guidance classes in person at Nurtured Child in New York City. I also encourage you to check out her wool and silk pieces via her brand Mini Lila after the show. Enjoy.
Amelia: I am so glad to chat with you today Leith.
Leith: It's great to chat with you.
Amelia: Yeah, you and I met via the Fair Play Method facilitator program. We were in the same cohort last fall and we had the pleasure of also meeting up in person this spring in New York City. So it's wonderful to have you here. Why don't you just introduce yourself briefly?
Leith: Great. Yes, it was so fun to meet in person. I'm glad that that worked out. My name is Leith Speer Barton. I am a parent educator and parent coach. I work with families in person, with children ages zero to three, and then I work with families virtually with children those ages, but then also a wider range. I live in New York City. It's fun, East Village. It's great.
Amelia: Yeah, it's been a long time since I've had children in this age range, which is why I'm super excited for this conversation. I love little people, but my youngest is 11 now, so you're going to have all the wisdom and knowledge that I have sort of turned off in my brain.
Leith: Yeah. I mean that's what happens, you move on and then those early days are forgotten, but not for the parents who are really in it.
Amelia: Yes. And that's where your wisdom is absolutely going to shine. So a question I like to ask everyone who I interview is, what did organization look like or mean to you during your childhood growing up?
Leith: My childhood and adolescence were a little untraditional. My mother is a painter and we moved kind of incessantly. I went to 10 different schools and lived in many more houses and apartments than that all over the country on the east coast, on the west coast, largely on the coasts and I also lived in Puerto Rico for a little while. So it was always something different depending on where we lived but I do remember how careful my mother was with her paints and her art supplies. It was just like always a beautiful part of our home, where she painted quite large canvases and oil is her medium. So I just remember being fascinated with how she cared for her paintbrushes and how the colors were organized for what she was working on. And colors, even though I live in New York City, you think of black New York City as our color scheme, but I love color and I think it started in that place. Color makes me happy. So when I think of the organization of my childhood, I go right to that place.
Amelia: That's so beautiful. I also love color. I'm not a huge patterns person, even though there are certain patterns when I see the color combination just right, where I'm like, oh, I love that. But definitely color. I'm all for that and that's such a beautiful memory of art and paint and something that resonates with me for sure.
Leith: Yeah, it really, super tactile. I'm transported to that moment as you asked me that question. It's great.
Amelia: Awesome. The reason that I wanted to talk with you, because you are a parent educator and a coach, and I find that parenthood, becoming a parent, is a life transition that is a challenge for people to prepare for. In a sense that we both expect folks to inherently know what to do when it comes to raising children, we kind of expect them to know, oh, like it'll come to you. And we often, outsiders provide unsolicited advice all the time that might not fit in an individual family's parent-child relationship. So tell me about how you both educate parents and coach parents.
Leith: Yes. It's so rooted in the individual families themselves. I remember when I became a parent, I really, really wanted there to be just one guidebook and you tell me what to do and I just do this formula and I can repeat it and it just is this way. But when you become a parent, you realize, oh my gosh, there are so many things that I bring to it from my own childhood where I am in this moment in time where my partner, if I'm partnered, where they're coming from. So really it's looking at the parent and what is important to them and what they want their life to look like. And that's combined with educating them on childhood development, early childhood development. What are the range of things that we can expect for this time period? What are some of the challenges that you might be looking at?
My favorite way to work with families is actually in person. I do in-person classes, RIE® parent infant guidance classes in Manhattan and Brooklyn, so there I'm actually sitting with the families. I do this with my mentor and now colleague, Anna Ruth Myers. We are living these moments, sometimes really challenging moments with them in person when we're together. So we really get to know each other, we get to know the children, and it offers this opportunity for the parent to kind of step out of whatever they're experiencing that is often momentary and fleeting to see their children and themselves. It's just so cool. It's really cool. But it's rooted in who the individual parent and who the individual children are.
Amelia: That's just so beautifully said. The word that really stuck out to me when you were speaking is the word “range.” The range of what is happening or what can happen. And when I think about organization, when I think about sort of an aligned and sustainable lifestyle, it's not just one thing. It can be bins and boxes and labels and this way, but organization is a flexible term. There can be a range of the way that you look at it; the way that it shows up in your life or in your home and really it matters. What matters is what makes sense to you and what you see in front of you. So I don't know if you want to say a little bit more about that and the range that exists in early childhood and how becoming a parent, you may expect one narrow sort of band of development, but it could be a range.
Leith: Yes, absolutely. It's making me think about the tremendous changes that happen between zero to three, particularly, which is the area I focus on, to consider the needs of a newborn infant and then consider the needs of a crawling infant. And then we have a toddler who's walking around, what does a space that's appropriate for them and for you look like? It actually changes quite a bit and so how can you be open and also ready for it. It really requires a lot of flexibility and not being committed to what you think it should look like. I remember with my first child, I had this beautiful nursery set up and then my child actually came and I was like, oh my gosh. Like this is not what they need. This is not at all, but for me, the “play objects" are what we call them in RIE® to be accessible.
I want them to be able to crawl around and get to them and get into them themselves. And also speaking of organization, eventually put them back themselves, everything having a home. And that can start in the early days. It happens in our classes. You would be fascinated to see these toddlers, finding joy in the cleanup. We're going to look around the room, what's out of place. I'm going to put it in this basket and that's a real part of our time together is the cleanup.
Amelia: That's so fun. I can see, I don't know, I'm imagining all the little human beings playing and probably a little crying too and joy, many threads of joy and parents witnessing those moments.
Leith: Yes, it's a ranged. We don't know what any day is going to be like, how the children are going to be themselves, what they come to the classes with, what their day or weekend has been like, and how they're going to interact with one another. When I say that we're living life together, we really are. One moment might be just smiles and happiness and then the other moment might be really challenging. So we're together in that, it's not the parent by themselves with the child with these feelings kind of questioning what's happening. We can be there together and then we can actually discuss it with the facilitators and also with each other, the peers. We have a group of about six to eight families. So it's a really beautiful time, but no, you don't know what it's going to be like. It may be a really challenging day or it may just be smiling the whole time. So it's living life together.
Amelia: Yeah. Mimicking each day as we live as adults too. So I'm not as familiar with the RIE® approach. Why does RIE® resonate with you and what benefits does it bring to the families that you work with?
Leith: It's so beautiful. It was founded by Magda Gerber in the late seventies. It's just an approach that I've found is so timeless. I read the books and articles that Magda Gerber wrote, and it's like this applies to me right now, even in my adult relationships. It's really looking at what is a respectful relationship between people, between me and my child. Not just one way, not what's just best for my child, but what's best for me in this too. Like, how can we be together in this experience? So that takes into consideration things like, I'm going to talk to my child and tell them what I'm doing before I do it. And long enough before that they have what we call tarry time, where they can process what I'm saying and then I take action. It's just a considerate way of being in the world with other people.
It's recognizing that my child is not, "my child." My child is an individual coming with their own likes and dislikes and preferences and how can I be observing them and learning about them and respecting them as the fully formed person that they are from day one. It's just a really beautiful approach that takes that into consideration in a way that builds a foundation for the relationship that you have with the child for the rest of your lives.
Amelia: I love it because it's an intentional sort of mindset. It's an intentional set of training and way of seeing the relationship. And as you were speaking, I was thinking about it, so yesterday one of my teenagers went for her well-visit, and she had to get a vaccine. In the next room was a much younger child who probably was going through the same process. And when you're talking about intentionally telling a child what is going to happen and giving them space for processing, I was thinking about this moment where we as adults know that something painful and uncomfortable is going to happen and that it's going to be temporary, this moment in time but just giving space for, I mean, I know infants, toddlers, but just this moment saying like, this isn't going to be enjoyable or pleasurable, but we're going to make it through together and kind of supporting and seeing their response both to something that's a little bit challenging as well as we're going to walk into this birthday party and there's going to be lots of joy and pleasure and excitement and this is how we're going to handle it. I can see it happening in lots of different moments in time, kind of. I love that idea of respecting them as an individual and giving them fair warning and seeing how they process and understand the way we move throughout our days.
Leith: Yes, absolutely. That's such an important example, especially when it comes to well visits and any kind of medical situations like if I need to give my child medicine, explain to them what this might be like and acknowledging that they might not like it and that's okay and you still have to do it and I'm going to be here for you. In that upset, there's not our right or wrong way to be. It's giving them information and then being that calm guide with them in those moments. You're right, totally, that does apply to whether it's a birthday party or a new person that they're meeting or whatever it is, it's thinking about the child's experience and how you can help them in new situations.
Amelia: Yeah, I love it. And you and I are both Fair Play facilitators and hearing a little bit about RIE® now I can make a few connections on why it's important to have open communication and conversations and working through potentially a challenging moment or making things better. So how does Fair Play and the Fair Play Method fit into the conversation and your work with families and young children?
Leith: Gosh, I love Fair Play so much. It's just such a compliment to, again, any kind of relationship. It really makes a pathway for smoother communication. How can we be together in this thing that we need to do? A lot of Fair Play is centered around care tasks. So some things that I actually like doing, dishes, but I don't like doing them all the time. And sometimes every day multiple times a day can be challenging. So how can I recognize my feelings around that, communicate that with my partner or support people? And it becomes really neutral. The emotion can be taken out of it and that in itself is so powerful. It doesn't have to be this dynamic of I'm doing more or I'm doing less. If you come to it with this feeling of like, these are the things that need to be done, how can we work on this together?
So it's really a great way for parents and caregivers to get on the same page with what needs to be done.. It helps them think ahead of time to like, hey, we're in this stage now, we're going to be in this stage there and how do we prepare for this together? It's just so brilliant. Even if you're in a roommate situation, I think it applies on all levels, whether you're a parent or a person or anything really.
Amelia: Yeah. It's like it creates a logical response. And for these parents in particular, the ones you work with, we know that emotions in infants and toddlers, we never know what moment or what life will be like moment to moment when caring for another human. And so having sort of a space to logically think through what needs to be done separate from the emotion, it kind of creates a fair playing field for all that may go right or wrong in any given situation as you move throughout the day. So it's almost as if it creates, as you said, like a neutral space for things to move forward, knowing that life can be unpredictable.
Leith: Yes. And thinking specifically about one part of it, which is the minimum standard of care. That's a great place for parents to get on the same page with how we care for our children. Why is this important to me? Why do we do this one thing, this one way? Whether it's, I'm going to change the diaper this way, or bath time is going to be this way. We can really get into the details of that and tie it to values like, this was really important to me. Like I think that this is the overall feeling that we want to have and it makes it or it can make it so that not one person in the family has ownership over this large area of particularly caregiving for young children especially in the early days, new parents, it's also new. And so how do you have the vocabulary to talk about these things that you're both in a totally new situation?
Amelia: Yes. And what it takes me back to specifically and I'm an advocate for all adults sort of implementing this in their life today, is transition time. So I remember when my children were really small creating actually large amounts of padded time before we were going to an activity or having to leave the house or changing an activity within the home because I knew that my kids just, it was more comfortable for them to not feel rushed and me not to be snapping at them. And sort of communicating that with my partner as well, saying like, hey, they do best when there's 15 minutes or 30 minutes of buffer transition time as we're getting out the door and giving several reminders. I'm not a parenting expert, but I remember that moment of thinking about what they need and as well as that care task, creating a common language about, hey, this is what works for everyone in this moment and situation.
Leith: Transitions can be such big moments. I'm thinking of my children going to school every morning. We have this pretty big transition that we have to work through together and how do the moving parts actually work together? We can talk about that. It doesn't just have to be this default rush. I think of slow mornings being the most luxurious thing. So how can we have a little bit of that without spending lots of money? We can slow down and I'm not saying every morning is perfect because it's not, but that is a goal of mine is to consider the transitions like you're saying and have them be as smooth as they can be. Of course they can't be a hundred percent all the time, but you know what, if you slow down and you think ahead of what your needs may be, a lot of times they can be smoother, at least smoother.
Amelia: For sure. Yes and like I said, even as an adult, I block out time in my calendar and space because I know I can't just pop up and be ready.
Leith: It's important for children or adults. We all need more time and space. We really do.
Amelia: So what exactly brought you to these approaches to parenting, caring and partnership?
Leith: Such a good question. I really came to it through my lived experience as a parent, feeling like I didn't have the information or the tools that I needed. And tools can kind of sound like a static word, but it really is how am I resourced in a way to even get to where I need to be? Meaning how do I even know what a good caregiver is for my children? I remember being in the early days and with my friends particularly in New York, we were like, okay, these are the avenues you can go down, X, Y, Z and just being like, this is such unfamiliar territory, how do I even feel my way into this space? So by finding RIE® actually pretty randomly through a blog that doesn't exist anymore as top seven popular styles of parenting at the time I read all these books and I was like, wow, this really resonates with me on a deep level because it's about me and my feelings, not an outside source telling me what I should do.
It's really individual in that way. So as I learned more about RIE® and took classes with both of my children, but particularly with my first child when everything was just so new, I felt like I had the guidance and support and kind of sounding board that I really needed. My family doesn't live in New York, they're not close by. I can pick up the phone, but even the time difference is a little bit challenging. I had a touch point, particularly with the in-person classes that were every week. I got to know the families in my classes. I got to know the children, I could see the children and how they were at a similar age as my child and everything was okay, like it really, really was, I was living this. And as I learned more about RIE®, it applies to every relationship, like how can we be respectful of another person with our communication, the care we give? How do I feel most cared for?
I need to know that in order to be cared for in the way that I want. So I really kind of started looking deeper in that and I realized that parenting is just living. So how we are living is how we are as parents. It might sound really like out in the ether, but then you realize, my children, they're living with me day to day. How I show up day to day is way more powerful than anything that I say or suggest or tell them to do. It's how I am with other people. It's even down to like, do I greet people? Do I say thank you, it happens from me and I just found that so fascinating and that there could really be more voices to that. There are people in the space who I really love and admire and I have something to say about it too, particularly as a New Yorker and how unique our lifestyle is.
There are just some things that I feel like this is what I love talking about. It really fires me up being in classes. It's so beautiful. And then I can tell how helpful it is. Even with social media, just kind of talking about some things that are, in some cases, taboo. Yesterday I did a reel for Nurtured Child, which is where I do the parent child classes. It was about, “How do we stay calm in a moment of upset for our children?” I feel like not a lot of people talk about that, that it's not if you'll be triggered, it's when you'll be triggered because we are, we're humans too. Our children might be showing they're upset in a super outward physical way. That doesn't mean that we're not having that inside too. So how do we manage those moments? I feel like it's so important to talk about those things. So here I am.
Amelia: Yes and your voice is certainly needed. I heard so many threads in there about one personal responsibility and really the effects that we have when it comes to making choices about how we want to live our lives and interact with others. Then I heard this moment where you were talking about sort of trusting yourself and how the RIE® approach gave you language and understanding that your way was the right way for you and kind of creating a sense of evolution as you move throughout the day and just kind of looking within and finding what made sense for you. I love that because I think it's really a skill that applies to so many areas of our lives.
Leith: It really does. And what's right for me may not be right for you or may not be right for my neighbor or my friend. It really is so individual that how can I be confident in that choice, in the choices that I make and how can I also be flexible because what is right for me today or what is right for my child today might not be what's right for them tomorrow. So how can I give that grace and space and consideration. It's really just this growing thing and has the potential to be so beautiful and even in the struggle and the challenges, like tremendous moments for growth and it's just so powerful.
Amelia: Yeah. And I can see it with Fair Play too. It's almost like we're seeking a method or an approach to conversation dividing care tasks, chores, responsibilities and it will evolve. What we decide upon today and how we're going to arrange our day-to-day sharing of roles and responsibilities and how everyone can contribute today may not apply in a few months or next year and knowing that we're always sort of evolving and growing as a family dynamic as well.
Leith: So how can you build in those touch points? They just are what they are. We're going to talk about this next week. We're going to talk about this in two weeks and it just is, rather than if you didn't talk about it at all and consider and acknowledge that things will need to change or shift or just revisiting that this is a thing that's alive and living. Things need to adjust over time. So how can you be open to that? And I think Fair Play is really beautiful in that, that checkpoint is an important part of the method.
Amelia: I want to switch gears for a moment before we wrap up to talk about another aspect of your life. One really special thing about you, Leith, is that you also have a children's wear company called Mini Lila, where you produce wool and silk layers. So I want to know, tell me all the things because I pulled up the website before we jumped on and I was like, yes, I'm going to order.
Leith: It's so great for all weather, but my background way back is that I worked at Vogue Magazine. I have a pretty tremendous background in fashion, worked individually with brands and what I would do with them is I would look at what they were doing, how they were doing, like who they were doing it for and how they could do it better. Then I saw just such beautiful products and so my standards are quite high. Actually this company came together with my partner Isabel. We had just had our first children and she's from Berlin. And she's like, why can I not find these like base layers? They're everywhere in Berlin. I can't find them anywhere and I need them, like I actually need them for my child to keep them warm and comfortable because infants especially can't regulate their body temperature.
So this started as a zero to three line that was out of some kind of necessity but she brought back some of these pieces from a trip to Berlin and I felt them and I was like, wow, this fabric is amazing. And it's also so active. It's thermo regulating, it's hypoallergenic, it's super, super soft. It absorbs, it's like weight in moisture. It'll keep you cool when it's hot outside. It'll keep you warm when it's cool outside. It adjusts to your needs. So wow, this is so brilliant. So slowly, very slowly we've been building this business and now we are offering a range all the way to adult sizes. So it's really fun but again, super intentional. Every step of the way has been quite measured. But what's so fun is hearing the feedback. We have so many people or so many customers coming back and saying, I don't know what I would do without this. I mean, my children, they live in these clothes, particularly as we go into the fall and then all the way into late spring because it's just, it's like a second skin.
It's like you're wearing a hug and you're comfortable no matter what. It doesn't matter if you're playing outside, which is so great. It supports that. It's actually required by a lot of these outdoor forest schools, a base layer of Reno wool. So I still have my toe in fashion with Mini Lila because of how truly beautiful this product is. It's something that I can really stand behind and so I do have it and it's there and it's fun. And right now the only showroom is actually Nurtured Child where I do classes and we're considering expanding that but right now you have to come to Nurture Child to see the product or order online @minilila.com.
Amelia: Yes. And we will link that in the show notes because as I mentioned, I'm going to go on and order some for the fall because I know I'm really going to love it and yeah I already can see it. So as we wrap up here, my final question for you is, what is one way that you employ, like a creative way that you employ organization now as an adult, either personally or in your business? I'd love to know.
Leith: Yes. That's so, so crucial in New York City apartment living. I would say that, like a really key for me and my family is having what you might call a landing pad. I think that's kind of like the language that's used. When we come home we can unload our shoes, have a place where they go. Our bags have a place where they go. Our jacket, if we have it. Umbrellas, that is all taken care of and then we can move into our life and the rest of our day from that offloading spot. It's really important because we're outside literally all the time, walking around, scooting around. My children are scooting around. We also have a cargo bike, which is a lot of fun in our neighborhood, but we are just outside all the time. So being able to get those shoes off, get comfortable right away is really key and having a home for those places right when we get inside, I think is the best way to start our time back at home together. Also a great launching pad for when we're going back out.
Amelia: Yeah, it's like you're taking off all the gear and then you're putting back on all the protection to go out into the world. Well, it's been such a pleasure to talk to you. I really have enjoyed this conversation and I would love for you to tell the listeners where they can connect with you or follow or find Mini Lila.
Leith: Yes. So our Instagram is Live in Lila and nurture Child for the in-person classes is @nurtured_child. And then my individual work that I do one-on-one with families is @caring and caring, which is being built as we speak. So join me in any of those places. I would love to connect with you and thank you so much. I'm so happy to have had this conversation with you.
Amelia: So fun. Thank you.
Outro: Hey y'all, I'd be honored if you'd take three minutes to leave a review of this podcast. Your time is precious and by leaving a review, A Pleasant Solution will reach more listeners and lives. I'd also love to hear your feedback and share your review on a future episode. Talk to y'all soon and remember, you are more organized than you think.
