This pandemic has shifted our understanding of time on its head. For the last decade, we’ve all been “busy.” Most of us had overscheduled ourselves and our kids, and we’d said yes to too many commitments without thought. For some of us, being pulled in a variety of directions was all too much. For our family, however, our “busyness” was intentional. Our schedule was inflexible on purpose and the hours dedicated to afterschool activities reflected our family’s values. Now, we’ve all been given opportunity to reflect on our time commitments and consider the ways it did or did not serve us.

The Way It Was

My family thrives when routine is present and when the days have structure. Before Covid-19 restricted us to our homes, my family had developed weekly, monthly, and seasonal routines that could be predicted several months in advance.

We planned summer camps and activities the winter prior and our upcoming winter break plans as summer was coming to a close. Our children knew what to expect when and worked to develop the life skills necessary to adapt to the full days.

My husband and I decided early on that we’d divide the responsibilities for the kids’ travel. It seemed unreasonable to expect all five of us to attend the multitude of out of town activities as a family unit.

Instead, he and I each took an activity (soccer/ballet) and were responsible for coordinating all the trip details and communicating them to one another. The time commitment for each sport was significant enough that the schedules would overlap and conflict. It was important for our sanity not to overstretch our expectations of one another or our relationship. 

For the last handful of years, our two girls were enrolled in ballet lessons for an average of 15 hours a week for the younger one and 25 hours a week for the older. Each day they would head directly to the ballet studio after school. They did their homework either before classes, during breaks, or late into the evening. The studio commitment level was high and missing classes was only acceptable due to illness. The girls participated in solo and group ballet competitions at specific times of the year, and I would plan my work schedule in order to travel with them. 

Our son plays travel soccer and also trains privately at a high level. Soccer is part of his life plan, and his dedication to daily physical fitness is evident. Before the pandemic he played both travel futsal and travel soccer, and their seasons would slightly overlap. Futsal is an indoor sport-court style soccer that is fast paced with quick footwork. His team won the national championship its first year competing and placed second the second year.

His travel soccer club had been on the road every few weekends before the pandemic; keeping the travel timeline and details up to date were essential in order to avoid scheduling conflicts between the teams. 

We ate dinner together as a family on the weekends, but on weekdays, the kids went seamlessly from school to their activities. We’d regularly decline invitations to other events if they conflicted with our schedule. I’d electronically enter and color code the yearlong schedules for school, dance, music lessons, soccer, and vacation when they were emailed out.

This provided clarity for both us and our children, because we could all see what the upcoming months entailed. We could check in and share stories with one another about how our day had shaped up.

Each child loved their chosen sport for different reasons. They all developed a variety of friendships outside of school and formed bonds with their instructors and coaches. They’ve learned the importance of proper nutrition to fuel their caloric output. Injury prevention is top of mind, so self-care (Epsom salt baths, stretching, massage) is a common topic in our household. Emotional resilience and mental toughness are also discussed regularly.

As parents, we focus on efficiency and maximizing the available time because my husband and I agree these are valuable skills to practice.

Some would call this “tiger parenting.” For us, it’s a family culture that has served us well. The structure, routine, and predictability have always been present for them, and therefore the pandemic has required us as parents to hone in on the key aspects of scheduling to continue this culture.

The Way It Is

This past summer, my kids maintained a daily schedule Monday through Friday so that we could continue to work. The qualities mentioned in my first blog post (routine, flexibility, determination) applied to their summer schedules as well.

The children picked personal goals at the beginning of the summer and checked in with me daily regarding academics. They were responsible for practicing music and exercising, and they were able to take breaks and catch up virtually with friends as needed. Each kid had plenty of device time and explored the neighborhood by scooter and bike.

My eldest decided to assume the housekeeping role in order to earn spending money. I taught her to negotiate her salary, give 24 hours’ notice if she was unable to complete a task, to track her hours, and that the quality of her effort mattered. Her efforts have given me time to focus on other projects, and I encouraged her realize the value she was providing.

Unfortunately, our girls have not yet been able to return to ballet. Our son continues to train independently and is able to practice socially distanced outdoors with his teammates. The “busyness” that we had been choosing for the past handful of years no longer exists in its prior form, but we continue to make conscious choices with how they (and we) spend our time.

We’re planning only one to two weeks at a time now with all long-term planning on hold. It’s as if time has gotten thicker, gooier, and slowed our pace but not thrown us off course. We have more time together as a family unit. Scheduling is different six months in, but our values remain the same.

How has your scheduling changed? Share with me in the comments below👇🏽👇🏽.