Choosing Rest
Thank you for being patient as I took a step back these last few months from writing. It was a conscious choice, and I’m thrilled to be back to blogging. My family and I decided to sell our home, to downsize, and to move from the suburbs into an apartment in the city. It’s been a worthwhile transition. Our household footprint had grown too large and having less possessions will allow us to pursue our goals more fully. To make the the transition, I had to follow my own advice and shift my priorities from business to family - for a short time.
After our relocation, I took a dedicated month of rest. I intentionally stepped away from social media and serving a majority of my clients. I knew that my brain and body needed a break. I also knew that taking time to recharge would serve my clients best in the long run. Stepping back was a bit of a lifestyle experiment for me, and I learned quite a bit about myself.
(A month may seem indulgent to some, but I’d argue that the length of time needed to recover from a life transition is much longer than you’d think.)
As women and mothers, we have a tendency to overwork. We martyr ourselves, our health, and our wellbeing in what we believe is in the service of others. You may even tell yourself that rest has to be “earned” through hard work or accomplishing a certain number of tasks.
To shake this belief loose, you have to first be aware that it exists. Then you have to actively choose to disregard it. Neither you nor I will ever win an award, save our families from pain, break the generational cycle of overwork, nor create a restorative environment for others if we don’t first choose to make it an essential tenant for ourselves first.
I thought I’d share a few things I learned:
Rest is self respect. It’s essential for self preservation.
Rest doesn’t need to be earned, but it does need to be taken. (No one will give it to you.)
Rest is not laziness. Laziness is being unwilling to work, not empowering yourself to step away.
Rest can be a brief moment or days long.
Rest is about turning off your brain. The internal pressure + self talk encouraging you “to do” will be there. Don’t listen.
Rest is a conscious choice to shift your priority from external happenings to your internal self.
Having your own back about the decision to take a break is critical. Sticking to your decision takes awareness and mindfulness.
This was an unexpected point I discovered. My mind knew that resting was atypical, so it repeatedly tried to urge me to fix, do, organize, help, and show up.
For the first week, I noticed that my self talk wasn’t always positive. It was noisy. I allowed it to be there and kept coming back to the fact that resting was my choice. I was choosing not to work; I was choosing to enjoy my family and the summertime. Our pandemic awareness was on high alert in the summer of 2020, and I reminded myself that it was emotionally healthy to be out in the world this summer.
For the second week, I noticed that my self talk was starting to quiet. I spent time reading, exercising, taking long walks with my family, and watching television late into the evening with my teenager. I attended my son’s soccer games. I cooked. We ordered takeout from city restaurants that we hadn’t tried.
For the third week, I noticed that I hadn’t thought much about work in awhile - at least not in a worried or concerned way. I took my kids to camp and to appointments. I learned the best ways to navigate the city. I organized a few of the spaces in our new apartment but knew that my attempts weren’t the “final” placement.
For the final week, I noticed that I wanted to learn and share. I felt inspired to write out my ideas for content. I felt inspired to join a course for fun. I was starting to miss my clients, my work, and the topics that energize me. It felt good to want to work and teach. I had to resist the urge to jump back in for the last handful of days. I was no longer drained; I was rested.
Rest seems to be a bit of a taboo subject for women. You may read this and feel like rest isn’t even remotely available to you. I’d simply suggest that you ask yourself “why?” Listen to all the excuses that arise, including those about your family needing you. Of course they need you. But they need you at your best. This includes your mental and emotional health.
And I guarantee that if you speak up and out, and let those who love you know that rest is needed and deserved, you’ll get the time and space to recharge. It’s a win win for our families, communities, and selves.
If you want to take rest, but your perfectionist tendencies are holding you back, reach out. I totally get it.
PS: I’ll be blogging monthly, from now on. Let’s stay in touch in the meanwhile…👇🏽
