Nearly every weekend, my son has a soccer game. It's always on a Saturday. This requires him to have 2 clean uniforms ready to wear first thing Saturday morning. If his uniform isn't clean, he can't play. That's the consequence. In order to teach him that he has an impact in our home, we’ve decided this is one weekly task that he can learn to fully own.

When you’re managing a household, there are the responsibilities that you’re directly responsible for, and the mental load for all the other peripheral tasks you’re keeping track of. Passing along full ownership of a task - from noticing it needs to be done through completion - is one strategy to lighten both your to-do list and your mental load.

The mental load is the soundtrack, specifically related to tasks, chores, and responsibilities, that runs through your mind morning to night. You may have a mental load geared towards work projects and a separate mental load geared toward home tasks. I also refer to this as mental clutter.

Sometimes it’s subtle, sometimes it’s louder. For me, it sounds like a variety of details and logistics popping through my mind like popcorn. You’re not always stopping to execute the task. It’s just taking time, attention, and focus away from what you’re currently doing.

Entrusting a task to someone else in the household allows you to put aside the mental and physical energy required to hold that idea in your working memory.

What Full Ownership Means

My husband and I have taught my son how to fully washing his uniform. I’ll use this example to illustrate.

🙋🏽 Full ownership means that one person is responsible for noticing what needs to be done, planning the required steps to do the task, and then executing the task through completion. For my son, that means having two clean uniforms. He’ll wear one at the game and bring the other “just in case.” He needs to take note of which one needs to be washed and which one remains clean. He also needs to know where the uniform pieces are at all time.

🙋🏽 Full ownership doesn't mean that one person is walking around thinking about how the uniform needs to be clean, noticing that it's dirty, and reminds the other person that it needs to be washed. The process doesn’t work if the partner / parent is keeping score or keeping track of the task. That means the other person is still carrying the mental load.

🙋🏽 Full ownership means that one person carries the mental load for that task and is responsible for follow through. We don’t ask him if the task has been done, where his uniform is, or if he’s got all the parts and pieces. My son is learning through trial, error, and consequence how to own all these aspects of the experience.

🙋🏽 Full ownership doesn't mean that one person starts on the task, a daily life disruption occurs, then they hand off the task to the other person to troubleshoot and solve until complete. This is huge. My son can’t simply set his uniform on the washing machine and ask one of us to throw it in. He needs to know his schedule for the week, plan when he’ll wash it, and have a plan B for if there’s a disruption. Too often we get caught up passing off tasks to one another which defeats the purpose of ownership.

🙋🏽 Full ownership means that one person is willing to be held accountable... even for the consequence. All three of us: my husband, my son, and I have to be okay with his uniform not getting clean. If my husband or I swoop in to fix my son’s lapse in judgment, we’ll be removing the consequence and accountability. Full ownership includes any positive or negative consequences that elapse from the responsibility.

Owning a task means that only one person is carrying the mental weight of a task. Doing so lightens everyone else's mental load. Everyone wins because tasks and energy aren’t being duplicated. One of the goals of Fair Play is to distribute tasks equitably so that everyone shares the weight and contributes to the household. Everyone understands the impact they make and how they help make the house a restorative place to live.

If you're capable of full ownership, what keeps others from being equally capable?

Every month I teach open workshops. If you’d like support implemting this concept, Fair Play, or any other aspect of Clutter Coaching, I invite you to connect with me.