I’ll share a secret. My husband doesn’t explicitly know that we’ve implemented The Fair Play Method in our marriage. We’ve steadily been discussing tasks, time, division of labor, and the mental load for years. He knows the concepts behind Fair Play are real, and he supports my pursuits as a business owner. We’ve found our own rhythm of discussing what needs to be completed, and he’s taken control of noticing what needs to be done in certain areas. It’s been hugely beneficial to our marriage.

The key thing you should know about The Fair Play Method is that it’s flexible and adaptable. Sure, you can follow all of the rules and play it exactly as prescribed. That’s a great way to start, and if you follow it step-by-step, you’ll have tremendous results. You can also use this brilliant time and energy saving system as a generic framework for clearer communication and more equitable distribution of the everyday repetitive household responsibilities. It’s designed to be used; it’s not designed to be considered then set aside.

Benefit #1: Visibility = Value

Time and time again, I speak with women who feel like the work they do within the home isn’t seen, noticed, or valued. Their homes are operating, however, they’re carrying the full weight of the mental load. The mental load is the soundtrack that’s always running in the back of your mind: your to-do list, your “someday maybe” list, your self-judgment, your accounting for how relationships within the home and within the extended family are functioning. It’s the essence of mental clutter. It’s what keeps your mind running at all hours of the day. The noise of the mental load makes focusing fully or resting a challenge.

Implementing the Fair Play Method brings the mental load out of your head and places it (metaphorically) on the dining room table. It’s a list of tasks that can be discussed, shared, and traded like playing cards.

Right now, your partner has no idea all that you’re keeping track of inside your head. Therefore, they are unable to value it. It’s much easier to take it for granted. (Toilet paper magically appears back on the holder. The coffee maker never gets full of grinds or gunk. The kids always seem to have dress shoes when they need them.) Fair Play is a way of seeing the multitude of tasks that occur and are rarely discussed. By creating a common language around housework and care tasks, partners humanize the work and can decide what’s valuable to their household and why.

Benefit #2: Work Isn’t Duplicated

Your time is your most valuable asset. The same notion applies to your partner. When expectations around chores aren’t clearly defined, efforts end up being duplicated or details fall through the cracks. With parenting, this can look liked mixed messages. One parent asks their child to tidy their room. “Tidy,” we all know, is subjective. If parent number two has no idea their partner’s definition of tidy, they may congratulate the child for finishing the task sooner than parent number one would like. This leads to bickering between parents, and for the child being confused about why they have to continue cleaning up after they’ve already put in a bit of effort. One parent wasn’t leading the tidying effort, both were unintentionally involved.

With The Fair Play Method, one person takes ownership of each task. This means that one person thinks through all that is involved start to finish with one area of home life. They take on both the mental load and the execution of the task.

For example, my husband is in charge of planning our summers. He enjoys this task and engages each of our children in a discussion on what they’d like to do. He’ll book the camps. If we’re traveling (like we did for our Barcelona adventure last summer), he’ll structure the trip. I’ll give input, but my attention is focused elsewhere. My mental load is lightened. Our efforts aren’t duplicated. I trust that he’ll talk to me beforehand, yet the rest, I leave up to him.

Benefit #3: Lighter Mental Load = Time for Fun

Exhaustion, higher levels of stress, and irritability are a few side effects of a heavy mental load. It’s a challenge to be present and productive in your paid work and family time with so many tiny details on your mind. Marriages and relationships become strained when one person (predominantly a woman) feels always responsible for the same routine tasks (called “Daily Grinds” in Fair Play). Men often harbor resentment when randomly tossed a task without full knowledge of how to plan and execute it. Poor communication, unclear expectations, and the failure to respect another partner’s time is one reason marriages dissolve.

Adopting The Fair Play Method builds connection and compassion. When care tasks and household chores are more equitably and intentionally shared in a partnership, everyone wins. A lighter mental load means that you have more time to pursue a personal passion, grow within your chosen profession, or invest in the health of your marriage.

Now that my husband and I share the responsibilities in our home, we both have more time to exercise and chat. We don’t struggle over deciding what’s for dinner, and we talk about our kids and our interests more. I have space to grow my business, and he has more emotional connection with our children. He’s always been capable - just like your partner is - it’s that we now know how to talk about what moves our family forwards without blame or resentment playing a part. We’re focused LESS on the daily grind and more on fun, connection, experiences, and the road ahead.

The Fair Play Method works for any set of adults living together or sharing the raising of a child.
If you’d like to pursue this work in your family, book your consult conversation here.