Let’s be honest. If you’re a mother or the primary default person managing a household, going on vacation can seem like more like work than rest. I’ve heard variations of this from many women. It’s pure logistics from start to finish, and the effort required extends for several days upon return. There’s vacation planning: budgeting, tickets, transportation, time off work, communication, care for pets/plants while away, and the imagined itinerary. Then there’s vacation execution: list making, laundry, securing medication/toiletries, packing, activities during travel, and reviewing all the details. Going on vacation requires so much executive function that it can easily be categorized as work. Here are a few solutions that may ease your experience.

Be Clear: Vacation or Trip?

The best way to ruin a vacation is to name it incorrectly. This is where mindset plays a critical role in the success of your adventure. Unless you are absolutely positive that you’re going on vacation — you’re traveling by plane or other relaxing mode of transport, you’re dining on food prepared by others more often than not, you’re traveling with less members of your family than more, and you’re staying away from home long enough to forget your to-do list — you’re most likely planning and executing a trip. Vacations are energizing and refreshing, and the planning and execution pays off once you are settled at your destination. Trips are lovely and have numerous benefits, but don’t tell yourself you’re going on vacation, if you’re simply taking a trip.

My best friend Hannah, mother to five, recently reminded me of the difference between the two. A trip is often to see extended family. It’s a weekend change of scenery or mini-getaway for sightseeing over a school break. It’s a long car ride (no matter the destination) with multiple small humans that complain, need entertaining, and require several snack and bathroom breaks. Trips feel like your efforts of planning and execution cancel out the benefits of being away from home.

Be honest with yourself. By accurately naming the days you’ll spend away from home, you can better align your expectations of the feelings and energy associated with planning and executing. Expect trip planning to be draining or monotonous. You might not be as eager to engage in the labor of preparation for a trip or carry a bit of resentment being the default logistics manager. However, when planning for a vacation, I encourage you to visualize the lightness and freedom of your destination while you prepare.

Enlist Everyone to Help

Decide in advance who will be responsible for what tasks for the duration of the vacation: from ideation through unpacking. If you are the sole adult in the household, aim to delegate or seek support from your circle. Vacations are for enjoyment, and it’s perfectly acceptable to ask a friend for a few hours of childcare swapping so that you have all your brain cells available for logistics. If you are partnered, designate a half hour to divvy up exactly who will make lists, do laundry, book flights, pack, etc.

Communicate explicitly what tasks are necessary for the trip to run smoothly, and what are simply nice, “above and beyond” tasks. Start with the minimum baseline of needs and work upwards from there. Don’t assume your partner will meet your level of standards, and beware of micromanaging. Set deadlines for tasks to be completed then wash your hands of any tasks that aren’t your responsibility. Your partner was a capable adult before you joined together, so incentivize them to share in the emotional labor load. Your enjoyment of this process comes from doing less, not more, in order to get out the door and away from the routine of daily life.

Encourage each family member to practice making a packing list. Even young elementary age children can talk through what they use and may need throughout the day. Explain, show, then let them do it.

• Start a week or more in advance. Break the list-making down into shorter sessions, if needed. (Here’s a head start.)

• Have the children think in categories, just as you might (clothing, activities, devices, toiletries, etc).

• Remind them that items need to be clean and available in order to pack.

• Charge devices and pack toiletries.

• Work alongside of them to pack steadily on the day or two before the trip. Repeat each trip.

• Save the list for future trips so that you have a reference point and can save time.

Taking the time to practice will pay off in the long run. You may think “doing it for them” is quicker and easier, however, you’ll be planning and packing for everyone for many more years than necessary. Teaching and guiding is much more efficient.

Unpack Right Away

Another reason that going on vacation feels like work is that we assume our the trip is complete the moment we walk through the door.

Unpacking right away may be the most unpopular suggestion I offer, but it truly makes an positive impact on your vacation experience. Your body will already be a little overtired from being away and your mood will probably be a little stale. You know that you’ll be returning to work and routine soon, and so your mindset is already looking to what’s next. It’s not focused on the act of unpacking the clutter associated with the trip.

However, unpacking the night or day following your trip will provide immediate relief. It takes an additional burst of energy to complete the task, yet leaving the piles of unwashed clothing, souvenirs, and mixed supplies will continue to bother you until resolved. Visual clutter is a constant reminder of work that is outstanding and it triggers thoughts leading to anxiety or dread. These are not the feelings you want to ease back into your week with.

If possible, I’d also recommend scheduling a "buffer day” between your vacation and return to work. Even if it makes your vacation one day shorter, you’ll be grateful for it once you arrive back home. With a generous helping of intentional planning, you have the ability to remove the excess work from the planning and execution of your next vacation… or trip.

I’ve gotten the work (fun!) started for you. Download my free warm weather packing list.
Also, leave your questions or quick vacation experience 👇🏽… especially if you can relate!

Are we connected on social media? I post about our trips (and occasional vacations) there. Let’s connect.