I fully believe that children are capable of decluttering and learning the skills to an organized life. With repeated exposure to sorting, decision making, and giving, children practice both the joy of having and the joy of letting go. Setting aside time to declutter before the holidays motivates children to make space for the new. It also helps build tangible understanding around the values of the season: gratitude, abundance, and appreciation by making them a part of the gift giving process. I challenge you to follow these three steps to holiday decluttering with kids and share with me the results of your efforts.

Declutter Before the Gifts Arrive

There are two common approaches for letting go of unwanted toys and clothing. Parents either avoid making decisions about their children’s stuff until there’s no more space in the home, or they assume 100% of the responsibility themselves and declutter their children’s possessions in secret.

It takes extra time and emotional energy to engage kids in the selection of what to keep or what to donate. This approach actually creates more work on your end as parent. If you push decisions into the future, you will eventually have to manage the clutter.

If you declutter in secret, you’re denying your children of the opportunity to learn the valuable life skills of making choices, managing space, and giving to charity.

Raising children to assume responsibility of what they use is a better outcome for all.

Although most parents have more downtime available towards the end of December, building the habit of decluttering into your pre-holiday routine has a variety of benefits for parents and children. For parents, setting aside time to talk with your children about what they like, how they spend their time, and what’s important to them at this stage can inform your gift giving.

It also preempts the post-holiday challenge of reorganizing to find space for the new gifts.

Kids are often unaware of how much they own. They’re naturally self-centered and think about what’s new, next, and what they want, rather than all that they currently have. By scheduling an hour on the calendar together in your child’s room, you’ll be positioned to go area by area and listen while they share about what they use, what memories are still fresh for them and what toys or objects they’ve grown out of using.

Create awareness by highlighting the upcoming gift giving season. With future gifts coming in, they need to be part of the process of making room for what’s on their wish list. Talk with them about how they currently have enough and how simply wanting something doesn’t create the space in the house for a new set of toys. They actually have to make more space by making decisions about what they love. 

Build on the momentum and expectation of receiving gifts by explaining that their generosity of giving will be returned in the upcoming weeks.

Ask About What They Love

Many parents dislike the task of decluttering with children because, given the opportunity, children will delve into all the reasons why they need to keep something they no longer use nor play with. Children often sense an attack on their belongings and defend their property with a carefully crafted argument of why they still need that item. I suggest you approach the conversation from exactly the opposite angle.

Ask your children what they love and use the most, then listen for what they don’t say.

For little ones and older children, it’s easier for them to identify and talk about what they’re currently interested in. Children have habits and preferences that are reinforced with use and with time spent.

Although last winter your son may have been obsessed with action figures, this winter he may be enamored with cars. Certain sports or hobbies may have fallen out of favor due to changing interests.

By reminding your children that growth is okay, it normalizes their shift in attention.

Spend an hour (or a half hour) listening. It can be challenging and even awkward at first, but this in-depth dive into your child’s world will give you a sense of what is central to their lives today. 

Instead of forcing them to get rid of objects – which they may resist and create excuses around – listen for what they’re drawn to. You then have the opportunity to loop back and say, “I notice you don’t use this much anymore. How about we pass it along to someone who will so we can make room for all your new stuff?”

Bring Awareness to Their Giving

We all love praise and thrive when positivity is present. Repeat back to your child what you heard during your time together. Tell them that you love to know what matters to them at this stage in their life. Build up their confidence around their ability to give and share with others.

Empower them to see how, during this time of giving, they have the choice to feel abundant. Show them all they have and all that they will receive. 

Explain how a charity works. Say, “I know last year you were really into action figures. How about passing half of those along to another child who really loves superhero movies but doesn’t have any action guys to play with?” Make it real. Share stories of children and families who will benefit.

Repeat with a handful more of areas, including books and outgrown clothing.

Let your child decide how many items they’d like to give and support their decision. Help them feel in control. Show them that their choice matters by making a collection of all they want to donate and impress upon them how generous they are being.

Don’t judge the pile as “too little” or “not enough.” Instead, keep practicing. In a few months, work through the process again. By returning to the subject of decluttering several times a year, your children will recognize that’s it’s not a one-and-done experience.

Just like adults, decision making and giving items away becomes easier with repeated practice and exposure. Managing space becomes easier when you see that giving items away creates more physical space. Giving to charity becomes more enjoyable when you participate and feel in control of your own choices. Being forced to do so or being undermined in secret creates resistance to sharing, giving, and appreciating what you have.

Gratitude comes from the combination of recognizing all that we have and own mixed with our power to share these gifts with others. We experience gratitude when we are generous.

This process takes more parental involvement when children are young, but as they grow and as the routine becomes a seasonal habit, the organizational skills implant themselves and the kids know what to expect. They begin to tie receiving to the all-important process of giving, and the joy of having becomes interwoven with the joy of letting go.

Do you declutter with or without your kids? Let me know in the comments👇🏽👇🏽.